Let’s Dance

by Josephine Schelling


            I learned all the moves. I practiced them in the mirror. Sympathy: hugging eyebrows + little nod, Happiness is all in the eyes, I kept wearing masks long after everyone stopped. How much of the routine have I forgotten? It’ll come back quick, muscle memory, you have to practice everywhere, all the time. At a funeral I learned Grief: eyelids half-down, horizon-mouth, I Know, I Know. I can dance. Are we dancing or fighting? I’m never quite sure. In fifth grade I got in trouble for pushing a classmate, I thought we were playing a game, I thought we were just playing! My mom taught me Sorry. I tried to just say it but that wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know we were dancing. It was a heroic effort to force myself to move. Do you think Superman knows how to dance? In the movie his classroom is too loud and he hides in a closet. I know what that’s like! I Know! Am I an alien too? How long did it take him to learn? Who held a knife to his invulnerable throat and forced him? I am 22. My missteps are no longer so egregious, but my execution is, execution is to perform and to die at the same time. Having lived on the edge of incomprehensibility for so long, why haven’t I found my footing yet? I used to wonder if I might be a psychopath. I used to dance on my own. Someday I’ll write a horror movie where your skin melts off if it’s too hot out, and if you look someone in the eyes their face twists fully upside down. I know what that’s like! Have you ever wanted to take out all your bones? You wouldn’t be able to dance, like that. I don’t know how to scream, I just inhale really fast when I’m scared. I’m scared. I haven’t learned Fear yet, so no one knows. I’ve seen other people do Fear but it looks so silly, bug-eyes and flying eyebrows. I’ll just look stupid. People talk as well as dance but I’ve learned it doesn’t matter as much. Some peoples have lots of words for snow because it’s important to be able to identify it. How many words do you have for stupid? For different, for weird, for unintelligible? For people who don’t know how to dance? Oh, am I being too honest? Unloveability is a slip-spill, twisted ankle, a watching from the darkness, the spotlight is both communion and objectification, does that make sense? Tell me, do you understand metaphor or just interpret it? Under the lights, I’m so fucking sexy. Hundreds of people think I’m dancing for them alone. I’m not talking to you! I’m not talking to you! Did you know words mean nothing actually? I learned Friendly (eyes shake hands, listen when no one else does) but everyone thought it was Invitation. Eye contact feels like kissing so it wasn’t that different when I was kissed. I haven’t learned how to dance No, and it doesn’t matter if I say it. Did you know words mean nothing actually? I Know. It’s ok, we can just dance. Are we dancing or making love? I’m tired, can I take a break? I’m tired, can you put the knife down?


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Josephine Schelling is a soon-to-be medical student from upstate New York. She completed her undergraduate degree at Case Western Reserve University, where she won the Edith Garber Krotinger Prize for Creative Writing in 2021.