Speaking to God

by Stacey Lounsberry


Afterwards,
we pretended it wasn’t the sex that made her—
like the pollination she was here, right
on time and our hearts beat together long enough
to fill the void—
before she cut it open again.
Then Afterwards,
I had phantom womb
even though it had been ten years and
the doctor said it was just
my head.

After the first years
the curls in her hair faded away
with the blue in her eyes and I
felt like a part of the wallpaper
that needed glued down.
She told me she had dreams that she would die.
I had none.

And the doctors,
if they could look me straight,
would say I didn’t deserve these kicks
or even this ghost
living in my head and I
am too ashamed to speak to God.


* * * * *

Stacey Lounsberry received a BFA in Creative Writing from Morehead State University, and later a Master of Arts in Teaching in Special Education from the University of the Cumberlands. She is a full-time mother and writer, and her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Ariel Chart, CafeLit, The First Line, and Inscape. She is currently seeking representation for her recently completed middle grades chapter series. She lives in Eastern Kentucky with her two young sons and young-at-heart husband.